Sweet, Chief. (wow that title sucks)

So I’ve been listening to a lot of the holy Sabbath lately. No idea why really other than that they demolish most other “heavy” music; I, like most music fans, go through phases of listening and right now is a huge ‘Bath phase but interestingly not much other hard music. It’s been Dylan and Sabbath so far today.

But a new series is born today. It’s a glorious event. Kids nowadays seem too caught up in new music, not a bad thing in itself, but they seem to do so as expense of older artist. They pick Bright Eyes over Simon and Garfunkel or Wolfmother over Blue Cheer just because it’ll be easier to talk to their friends about or it’ll win them scene points. And let me just tell you neither of these particular newer bands touches the oldies. So I’ve made it my life mission, or at least my current half hour’s mission, to fight this trend.

SABBATH.

Black Sabbath – This album to me is just the band jamming their asses off. Maybe it’s more concise than that but to me it’s just one long session. The reasoning here is that the songs just tend to run together; in fact most of the tracks have more than one song within them. Iommi plays every right note for like 35 minutes (which any guitar player can tell you playing any right notes is hard even for 35 seconds.) There are classic tracks here like “The Wizard” and the title track and “Warning,” which is Iommi playing at his peak for 10 minutes and “Wicked World”. So this is the start of heavy metal and you shouldn’t regret owning it. So roll a joint and wait for Ozzy to start screaming “Oh, No, No please God help me!” Don’t forget to turn this shit up.

Paranoid – Contains the classic cuts “Iron Man” and the title track. It also contains my favorite Sab song “Electric Funeral” but basically every single song is hot shit. Except maybe “Planet Caravan,” but even that recently has sounded good; it’s probably the drugs. So turn this shit up to ELEVEN and wait for “War Pigs” to kick in.

Master of Reality – My favorite album by these Brits. It opens with “Sweet Leaf,” an ode to the mari-huana, and ends with “Into the Void,” which contains one of the heaviest, coolest riffs of all time combined with some weird space drug-induced lyrics. In the middle of it all is “Children of the Grave,” which has the coolest drumming ever and some apocalyptic lyrics to boot. The rest of the album is acoustic instrumentals and songs about God. “Doesn’t sound like a good formula for a metal album,” I can hear you saying. But it works somehow. The guitar tone is the most perfect fuzz; this is the album Iommi started tuning down a step and a half. If you smoke the reefer at all ever, really you need this album to crank cause it’s perfect for the occasion; or so I’ve heard, Mom. It’s their peak and it goes slightly downhill then zooom!!!!! So cherish cause there ain’t another album like this out there.

Vol. 4 – This contains some really good stuff and some mediocre stuff. But if you turn it up everything will be all right. “Wheels of Confusion” opens ‘er up and it rips. Iommi’s guitar is back at it hittin me right in the gut every note; again I think it’s the drugs. “Changes” … I used to hate this fucking song. Cause it’s a piano laden ballad and for Sabbath that just ain’t gonna cut it. But take it for what it is and it’s a good song. “FX” is, as the name applies, some synth or computer shit. Not bad, just useless really. “Supernaut” and “Snowblind,” anode to c-c-c-c-cocaine, are among the band’s heaviest moments thus marking them amongst their best. “St. Vitus’ Dance” has one of the coolest riffs and it really moves. Basically this is better than your Zeppelin records but you’re just afraid to have “metalhead” stamped on you. Pussy.

Sabbath, Bloody, Sabbath – So I just listened to this really fucking loud, which isn’t fair to you or other albums since everything sounds better LOUD especially Sabbath. I always viewed this as the worst of the Sabbath albums I have and well…it still is but it does a little better if cranked. Good tracks to look out for are “A National Acrobat,” “Killing Yourself to Live” and the title track. “Fluff” is actually a really beautiful acoustic piece that shows some real “artistic growth” too. So go buy pot from that weird guy who works with your uncle and buy this pronto.

How bad ass is that picture of Iommi, before he went on his power trip, and Ozzy, before he married that crazy twat?