I'm Gonna Finish What the Captain Started

So the next band I’m hoping comes through here is Avenge Sevenfold. That name is bad but the abbreviation they seem to love is worse: A7X. Whatever dorks. Their stage names are particularly offensive as well: M. Shadows, Zacky Vengeance, Synyster Gates (cause misspellings are extra scary), Johnny Christ, and the Rev. Just in case I need to alert you assholes Danzig guitarist John Christ is gonnna be pissed and let’s not forget Reverend Run’s feeling either. I’m gonna start a band and go by Leigh Ving. If that weren’t bad enough, their real names are Matthew Sanders, Brian Haner Jr., Zachary Baker, Johnny Seward, and Jimmy Sullivan. So I guess Cliché Scary Stage Name sounds better especially for such a real metal band, as they want to be seen. If by “metal” you mean “shitty hair band music with some pussy singing over top” then yeah you guys are as metal as it gets. A real modern metal band is Dillinger Escape Plan, who A7F like to talk shit about for some reason. Their videos are atrocious fluff pieces that only idiots that like this band couldn’t see through. The first one was a concert type deal but before the music starts (which I hate in general by the way; I don’t want to some fucking dialogue or some plot explanation; I want to hear music otherwise I’d be at the movies) they have a bunch of fans talking about how great the band is and showing off their tattoos of the band logo (I’m sure you won’t regret that one) and playing the song on flame painted guitars. Great guys, you’ve got fans. I’m glad to know about it; I kind figured you did since you’re on television. Then the live footage sequence starts and it’s nothing but dumb kung fu hardcore dancing and idiots singing along (which again I hate.) The next was some moronic homage to Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Weird faces and bats are not what made that book/movie so great. It was a combination of three things: Hunter’s awesomeness, drugs and good writing. Plus they claim to never have read the book or even seen the movie. Then why do it? To seem cool cause you do drugs? No you don’t. Their whole biker gang image makes me want to murder like nothing else. You guys are not Guns n Roses nor Metallica or the Misfits. Honestly I don’t know what else to say except look at the picture and if that doesn’t make you want to kill then you have no soul. So who’s going to Ozzfest with me? These guys aren’t the only ones deserving of a beat down that’s gonna be there. Disturbed anyone? Plus Black Jacket Society or whatever Zakk Wylde’s band is called is going to be there. And he needs to get silenced for a little while too. Stop talking about Dime you ass.