I Hate Music

Yep read the title. That may come as a shock since all I seemingly do is listen to music, write about music, and try to make some band I might be in make sense. But I came to the realization today while listening to an album* that I hate music; at least most of it. For every one Black Sabbath there are five Motley Crue’s. For every one Beatles there are five Monkees (who I actually like because they have good catchy as shit songs and it is widely known that they were “fake” but I’m using them as an example of bands that are put together by record label execs to capitalize on something that can’t be duplicated.) So I can’t claim to like music anymore when people ask me what my interest are (and that sucks because that has become my only response to that question since I don’t do shit else.) Why? Because I don’t really like music. I like art in some form. Maybe you don’t consider the Germs or Elvis Costello or the Who or any number of bands I like to be art but that’s too fucking bad because I do. But what I look for in “art,” or music as you mere mortals call it, is completely inexplicable. I love Oasis like no one’s ever thought to but I hate Blur and most people can’t tell the difference and lump the two together as mid-90s Brit-pop. Slayer’s Reign in Blood goes as one of my favorite albums of all time but I wouldn’t listen to other trash metal if some one begged me to do so. I love Jimi Hendrix’s guitar wankery and extensive soloing but I dread to listen to this Led Zeppeling box set I received because fears of Jimmy Page doing the same. I guess it has something to do with honesty and sincerity and passion; the three main templates for music in my eye surpassing talent and being able to sing in key, which I know is huge to some people here. I like Noel and Liam’s complete arrogance and swagger attitudes while the dude from Blur is making cartoons and failing spelling test with the Gorillazzzz. Slayer seems to really be into the shit they’re playing while Dave Mustaine’s 12-year old girl voice kills me each time. Hendrix claimed music was his religion and I can buy that but Page’s intent seems more about ego and getting laid than anything else. Maybe the problem isn’t that I don’t like music, but that I like music too much, (“I’m a martyr for rock and roll” he whines) or that other people don’t like music enough to fight past the bullshit.

*The albums that I listened to was Deep Purple’s Machine Head, which I know isn’t like telling you about some indie band that even pitchfork hasn’t heard of yet but the point remains the same. They are an awesome band. That album’s first side has four of the best hard rock/early proto-metal songs ever written and then the next side opens with “Smoke on the Water.” They sound like Queens of the Stone Age fronted by Rob Tyner or maybe not.

On a completely related note, coffee is the greatest. I’ve written like nine pieces in like 6 hours cause of the caffeine but that isn’t a good thing since all the writing sucks and in my caffeine induced haze I think it’s all good, which trust me it isn’t. Imagine what some good ole fashioned speed could do for me.