Cliche Post Schiche Post

I decided since I don't do shit with this anyways I'm gonna do a couple of cliche posts just to kickstart my interest here again. And who doesn't love list? So I'm gonna do something with guitarists; this is not a best of or Top Ten or anything, just guitarist I think are really good and deserves some credit, or more credit, or guys who did something innovative or just sound fucked up. UP Up and Away

1. Jimi Hendrix-- Oh sure he tops every list but there is a reason for that. He's the single greatest guitarist ever discovered. I'm sure there is a possibility of some old guy in Arkanebraska doing better that James but I doubt it. Listen to "Killing Floor" from the BBC Session and figure it out and all while he's singing too.

2. Greg Ginn -- He's probably the worst guitarist I've ever heard honestly. He's constantly hitting wrong notes and playing out of tune and he lacks the ability to solo completely. But he wrote some of the heaviest/bad-assed songs there ever were and he's a huge dick.

3. Ron Asheton -- The shit he's doing on Fun House is completely undescribable. He perfect combination of reverb, wah, distortion and drugs will never be reached again to match that oh-so-perfect tone. Plus the riff to "I Wanna Be Your Dog" is so easy but it sounds so epic.

4. James Williamson -- Two guys from one band. Ilegal? Maybe but what? His playing sounds like a pit bull that's been caged up and starved for a long time. His guitar strings were made out of barbed wired, at least it sounds like it.

5. Roland S Howard -- Any one who could hang with Nick Cave in the early 80s goes on this list.

6. Eddie Hazel -- Listen to "Maggot Brain."

7. Robert Johnson -- It sounds like three guys are playing on some of his main tracks and main RJ dick sucker Eric Clapton (who, of course is considered the greatest living guitar player) had to cut out stuff to keep up.

8. Duane Allman -- His session work with Aretha, King Curtis, ect ect was enough but listening to "Whipping Post" off of the Fillmore East is a life-changing experience.

9. Pete Townshend -- He wrote killer songs and all but his rhythm playing is the best there ever was and any one who calls him a shitty lead player is just too far up Jimmy Page's ass to follow.

10. Keith Richard -- The Man. The Junkie. He did every type of guitar and did it well. Acoustic, Electric, rhythm, lead, blues, rock, country. Plus he was one hell of a song writer if you didn't know.

This list was kinda shitty so do better assholes. And I'm sure I left tons of cool people off but I need to study.

NO CONTEXT

I was listening to the Flaming Lips' Transmission from the Satellite Heart album today and their only real "hit," albeit a novelty one, came on "She Don't Use Jelly." And I finally realized what that song is all about. Well each verse has a different sorta vague but nonetheless relevant theme. First verse: "I know a girl who thinks of ghosts/Shell make ya breakfast/Shell make ya toast/She dont use butter/She dont use cheese/She dont use jelly/Or any of these/She uses vaseline" She girl in question is some one you want something from but she won't give it to you. Because, honestly, who the fuck wants vaseline on their toast? So you get what you can and you like it.

Verse Two: "I know a guy who goes to shows/When hes at home and he blows his nose/
He dont use tissues or his sleeve/He dont use napkins or any of these/He uses magazines" This is about how sad modern magazine writing has become and by extension how bad music criticism has evolved into. It is so bad that it serves no better purpose than to be used to blow your nose.

Third Verse Three: "I know a girl who reminds me of cher/Shes always changing/The color of her hair/She dont use nothing/That ya buy at the store/She likes her hair to be real orange/She uses tangerines." She needs to be natural baby. She can't have chemical store bought product funking up her hair. She keeps things down and simple. Plus tangerines are a great drug/Led Zeppelin reference but that's beside the point.

I sincerely hope that cleared everything up for you.

Do you really want to agree with this man and his t-shirt?

I was watching some thing on some “music” channel and NOFX’s Fat Mike was on there ranting about Christians and hating God and Jesus and moronic stuff like that. He came sounding like a member of the Klan. His dialogue made me realized I hate liberals as much as I hate conservatives. Why? Because they use these labels as dividing lines and set up the boundaries that make civil debate and conversations impossible. Fat Mike thinks he’s some political savant and knows the way around the deep challenging world of religion; no Mr. Fat, you are not. Stick to singing songs about beating off and nose bleeds or whatever it is you sing about and ruin what I love about punk. You want to offend some one? Why don’t you try first with the little turd burglars who buy your record? Putting out the same exact music for 20 some odd years just doesn’t cut it; even really great bands like the Ramones and AC/DC get shit for doing that. You’re not a really great band. You are barely a band. NOFX sucks a huge dick and I wish their political views didn’t line up with me at all (I am fairly liberal but I’m down with Jesus even though I don’t practice myself. But I do allow other to believe, as they want to so long as they don’t tread on me or persecute others.)...That was short.

DRUGS.

Let me just preface this with: Drugs are Bad! At least that’s what I learned in fifth grade in D.A.R.E. and the cliché goes you learn everything you need for life in elementary school. But as bad as drugs are they go hand in hand with music; sex/love is the only other contender for the most widely discussed topic in music. (I guess I should clear this up I don’t think drugs are really that bad; I don’t condone them but I don’t condemn them either. People on drugs can do bad things but so can people not on drugs. Maybe drugs increase people’s potential to go berserk and shoot some one but so does losing a job or getting picked on in school or losing a football game or basically anything that unstable people can use as an excuse.)

Without drugs music would not be the same. I’m not sure how affective drugs are to the creative process (I can’t do shit will fucked up. I’m too busy trying to talk to God or make sense of who I am as a human being) but I don’t think they are the sole reason for the great art -- music wise-- of our, and our dads’ time. Drugs help I’m sure, actually I know. The Beatles were introduced to my good friend pot by my good friend Bob Dylan and the next thing they put out: Rubber Soul. That album is a huge step ahead of the stuff they were doing prior; you know, “I Wanna Hold Your Hand,” “Love Me Do” and “Can’t Buy Me Love.” Sure they’re great pop songs but they don’t hold a candle to stuff like “Got to Get You into My Life” (which is about pot) and “Dr. Robert” (about a doctor friend of the band’s who doubled as a (LSD?) dealer) that came after the DRUGS. Maybe this is pure coincidence but the drug advocate in me so no way, Jose. Sure drugs aren’t necessary to create stand out art (check out Frank Zappa (although caffeine and tobacco were frequently abuse by him but I’m not too sure anyone beside the most semantically correct person considers them drugs) and Minor Threat and Fugazi (both led by the creator of sxe movement Ian McKaye.)

But most bands I really enjoy know their way around a joint I’m sure. I’m gonna do a quick run down: Beatles, Dylan, Neil Young, Black Flag, the Jesus Lizard (yes booze is included here and David Yow was wasted any time he stepped on stage), Queens of the Stone Age, Kyuss, Sabbath, Pink Floyd (I don’t like them but it’s just a point I’m trying to make), Bad Brains, Nirvana, Nick Drake, Elliott Smith, Black Mountain (my constant listening to them and their talking about hash actually inspired this post), Johnny Cash, Zeppelin, John Lennon, Husker Du, the Replacements, Depeche Mode, Love (who’s lead singer/mad genius died recently and means more to me than Syd Barrett so this is my giving him some props), the Damned, Oasis, 13th Floor Elevators, Spacemen 3, Stone Roses, Primal Scream, the Stones, Sonic Youth, Butthole Surfers, the Birthday Party, the Stooges, Iggy, Flaming Lips, Allman Bros, Jefferson Airplane, Radiohead, the Velvet Underground, the Zombies, Joy Division, Cream, Flipper, Mudhoney, the Who, Jimi, Funkadelic, Jane’s Addiction, MC5, Pavement, Red Krayola, the Meat Puppets, Tom Petty, T. Rex, Spiritualized, Screaming Trees, the Ramones, the Band, Big Star, AC/DC, Van Halen, the Grateful Dead, the Byrds, the Doors, Creed. I’m not trying to act cool by showing off the bands I like because I don’t even like some of these bands (you can probably tell which ones if you know me); I’m just trying to make a point. I only listed band that I’m almost certain dabble some what in drugs via stories or interviews or just common knowledge. These bands (well some of them) have made/make the most inspiring, invigorating, harrowing, groundbreaking, revolutionary, passionate, innovative music ever. Do the drugs help? That’s not even my point. Actually I forgot my point…I guess I should lay off the drugs.